There comes a point in every bookshop when you're standing by the chick lit thinking, oh crock of shit pants I really shouldn't be stood here, I should be buying the kids educational books to do with them at home and make them into mini Stephen Hawkins. 

So off you trundle to the kids section or more specifically the kids educational section to choose some genius in the making books. 

I was just in Waterstones today (other book shops are available but I don't know the name of any of them) when I overheard a conversation with my sister and a random stranger. 

I was hiding by the pop up books because I still find it hugely amusing to open the last page in any pop up book because that's the best pop up you can find- they cram everything a person could want to pop up into that last page, all 3D and pop uppy.

The random stranger was asking my sister what books she was buying and wondering whether she should do the same (needy or what). Basically, they both concluded that they felt they both should be doing more than just reading with their 3 year olds, they should actually be educating them by buying books of a more educational, interactive nature.

I'd moved onto pop up dinosaurs by this point but the last page of the pop up scared me, so many angry dinosaurs in one double page spread. So I left and went to join the 'good parenting section'. 

We managed to deliberate for around 30 minutes on how to turn our current miniature thickos into geniuses. Not the sort of genius you see in Apple, we were going for Brian Cox type genius level. 

I picked up one maths book, which is a bit of a failure area in our house and to be brutally honest, the questions were beyond me. I was only a teenie bit mortified that the math challenge books were aimed at 8-10 years. Chuff me, I am shit at maths aren't I.. 

It asked about sorting orders out and deducing angles from these mental squiggle sums. I wouldn't have a clue if she'd answered right to any of that bollocks so I chose straight arithmetic which had the answers on page 41-45 with reward stickers (I was holding these back for me if I worked the answers out before 7yr old!) 

My sis went for following the lines to make a shape books and alphabet stuff which I think she's nailed for herself so she's streets ahead of her 3 yr old. I think she chose her books on the basis of appearing far superior in knowledge to her toddler. Oh yes, the alphabet she can do. 

We then took them all for a nutritious McDonalds lunch before heading home to start 'Operation Genius Kids'. 

So is this good then? Is this what we should be doing? Or do you leave all this schizzle for the schools to sort out?

I have no answers to my own questions by the way, I only know through having one at school already that they get sent home from around age 6 with homework, daily maths and weekly projects. 

It's not enough that they are a school all day everyday, apparently you're meant to keep at it this learning stuff non stop.

If you do this learning thing though, are you doing it because you want to or because you feel you have to? 

I can't remember doing it as a child. We played outside loads. We hit nature first hand, we collected ladybirds in matchboxes and made mud pies, we made dens out of twigs and twine and invented our own games with the neighbours kids. Not sure any of it has made me excel at anything tho. I mean I'm not a bug lover now, I can't cook any pie, I usually have a messy house and I'm a bit anti social at times (not in the asbo sense) (well ok, sometimes in the asbo sense).

But we were happy kids. Thick. But happy. 

So, now I'm after unhappy stressed but clever kids right.! Yeh why not? Then they can get top jobs and put me in the best care home money can buy in a couple of years. 

I don't want to go everywhere with them thinking I have to teach them something or that I need to take a Bug Aware Guide with me on walks so that they can identify every species of creature we see. I once went to an aquatic centre and there was a man reading all the plaques to his kids who stood there wishing they could feed daddio to the Sharks. He insisted on educating them the whole way round and telling them the real names for things and detailing their diets and habits etc. 

My kids however, erm, it went like this..

'Yay mummy a shark- GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAARRRRR, I'm going to eat you with my 'maffise' teeth- I'm a scary shark and I eat people!!!'

David Attenborough would be shaking his noble head in disbelief that I'm raising my kids to think sharks are scary and just want to eat people, but to be fair to the kids, that's pretty much what I think sharks do, and if I ever met one in the water (so far, none have surfaced at the local swimming pool) I certainly wouldn't be giving a shit about its Latin name and what fish species it enjoyed feasting on in-between it's human main course!. 

Nope not for me all this educational reading going deep into everything we go to experience- I just want them to have these experiences and enjoy them for what they are, because that's learning in itself. 

Seriously, if they do meet that shark, daddy doctor doolittle and his kids are going to be eaten. 

Mine will scream 'SHARK ATTACK!!', punch it inbetween the eyes exactly how I will have taught them and be swimming for the shore. 

Some lessons you learn don't need any Latin, maths or squiggles.